Dear single, the choice of a life partner is one of the most important decisions you will ever make in your life! And on a daily basis you will still have to be making decisions concerning the relationship. Some decisions are small while others are extremely big. The question is, have you been making the right ones so far? Do you need to reconsider some or all of the choices you have made in the relationship?
Are you sure this guy/lady is the right person for you? Does she really have the qualities needed for a successful marital union?
You may want to consider some qualities here:
- Does he/she listen to you when you talk? Or only one person monopolises the discussion. Or there is even no discussion! One person just marshals out instructions which you just have to follow. He doesn’t allow you voice your opinion? Or she shuts you up when you try to make your point? Don’t be blinded by your emotions, the right person for you will value you as a person and also respect you enough to allow you air your views.
- The issue of respect come up a lot in marriage. You may need to evaluate if this person respects you. In our own clime, the men believe that they are to be respected. May I tell you that respect actually beget respect?! Every individual deserve to be respected, even children! Can you pay attention to how this person you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with treats other people, especially people lower in age/status than him? If he yells at a door man, beat up his younger sister and tell his mum to shut up, why should he treat you differently when you finally marry him?
- How much of peace and stability do you enjoy in the relationship? Are you both always arguing and fighting? Forever settling one quarrel or the other? One person is always threatening to end the relationship while the other person is always begging? This is not a healthy sign of a relationship that will survive the long haul. You guys should be able to minimise disagreements, learn to work out your differences in a civilised manner without fighting or bullying. Yes, you can have arguments, but they should be be far apart and of low intensity. Everyday shouldn’t be war!
- What is your friendship like? Can you really say both of you are friends? Your friend is the person you want to gist with. You can be yourself with this person. He loves and accepts you for who you are. This is not to say our friends can’t correct or criticise us. What makes them special is that they also know how to make emotional deposits in our heart. We know they will always have our back. Can you say this about this person you have chosen to marry? Do you have some things in common? Your lives shouldn’t be so divergent that there is no meeting point. Otherwise, when you start living together, you will not even have things to talk about or have activities to do together. This can really be frustrating and can lead to living separate lives though you may live under the same roof. You can actually work on fixing this problem now before you tie the knot!
- How about trust? This is another essential ingredient for a successful union. Do you always have to sneak on him/her because you are not sure what he/she is up to the moment you turn your back? Marry someone you can trust. If you don’t trust him/her, then you will put yourself under undue pressure of always playing the detective. And if you notice that you are the one that has problem trusting people due to baggage from your childhood or unpleasant experiences from previous relationships, you may want to seek professional help.
- Can you try to imagine what life will be like spending the rest of your life with this person? What kind of feelings does the thought invoke? Fear? Apprehension? Uncertainty? Bliss? Stress? Etc what can you see? How long do you think you can stay with him/her? If you can’t see this relationship in the future, it most likely won’t exist there!
Courtship or being engaged isn’t the same thing as being married. If you are afraid of going on with this person, feel free to end from the relationship. A broken courtship is by far better than a failed marriage.
To your marital wellness…