CHAPTER 16
SWB: Akinsehinwa Oluwaseun
I kept looking expectantly at Richy,not sure if I’ll be able to take in what he was about to divulge.
“I…. I…. forgive you Richard, whatever it is you want to say , I forgive you” I said that because I knew that I too will soon be asking for Richard’s forgiveness, if I forgive him ahead, he too will be able to forgive me, though it might not be easy.
I don’t know what my husband is about to confess yet, but I knew I have to pour water on the ground ahead so as to be able to thread on cool ground.
“Nifemi I know it’s easy for you to say you’ve forgiven me, I know by the time you hear my confession it might not be as easy as you think but believe me I’ve got my reason for behaving the way I did”
I nodded my head gently trying to be composed, though I was nervously waiting to hear what Richy have got to say.
“Let me ask you first, how did you get the information that I was impotent? Or is it just a conclusion that you drew from my failure to touch you all this while considering the fact that every new groom is always eager to drink from the water pot of his bride especially when she is a virgin, pure and untouched?”
My heart almost stop beating at the mention of virgin, I’m no longer a virgin,how do I spit this out? I managed a smile before answering my husband.
“Your sister Dolly, I overheard her on phone calling you impotent, she also said she’d warned you to let me know before the wedding.
I was so angry when I heard it.
Your sister doesn’t know I was listening to her conversation that day, so please don’t blame her, it’s not like she backstabbed you.”
Richard came to the bed and held me by my shoulders, making both of us come face to face with each other.
“Look into my eyes Nifemi” I looked into his eyes and looked away almost immediately, my heart was beating faster than normal.
I didn’t have the courage, after what I did.
“It’s true Nifemi, I had an erectile dysfunction” he blurted out and a tear dropped from my teary gland.
Then why has he been denying it all this while?
“I’m so sorry Nifemi, it’s true Dolly asked me to tell you but I didn’t have the courage.
I was afraid you will leave me. I was afraid you will cancel the wedding. I was afraid you will look at me as being less than a man. I was afraid of a lot of things. I tried many times to let you know but courage failed me, I just couldn’t. Babe please don’t hate me now, just listen to all my explanation”
I wiped the tear that rolled down my face and looked straight into Richard’s eyes.
“So why are you just telling me now?” I asked.
“The Pastor that preached at Dunmininu’s burial, his message really touched me. I realized I needed to come out plain and stop deceiving you”
“Hmn Richard, what made you think I would never know?”
” You were never supposed to know darling and I’m so sorry about that. My plan was to pretend as if I’m capable while using one thing or the other as an excuse to cover up until the cure or do I say healing process was perfected”
“Cure? Healing? I don’t understand. You were expecting a divine miracle?” I said.
“”Hummm,let me say yes because I trust God and there’s nothing He can not do but aside that, there is a medical remedy for this kind of case”
“Medical treatment? How is that possible?”
“Babe before I met you I’ve been going from one specialist to the other. They all tried their best but there wasn’t much difference. I was also on different medications. After I met you, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you but this condition was saying impossible. I didn’t want to lose you, I’m sorry it wasn’t because I was selfish but it was because of the strong unwavering love I have for you. I confided in one of the specialist, a She, she’s married with children. She told me to let you know my condition and if you are comfortable with it,we can both get married and apart from the medications I was taking, both of us will have to work hand in hand to make things faster” he said and paused.
“How do you mean?” I asked.
“She said the sights of you, like em your body, you understand what I mean, the kisses, the touches and the foreplay we’ll both be involved in will aid the recovery. She said so many things we could do together as husband and wife that will make my johnson gain strength and within few months or few weeks if I’m lucky, I’ll be able to perform as a man . Though it may be gradual”
I stared on at Richard, what kind of stupid philosophy is that? So he has to put me in this prison he calls marriage all because he believed in his specialist? Moreover I have not been seeing the drugs he’s been taken, how was he able to hide it perfectly well from me? Guys!!!
“I wanted to let you know all this but Nifemi, it wasn’t easy. Since the specialist said I was already on my way to total recovery and that I was very close, I decided we could get married and I’ll have to be playing my games well until that miracle happens”
“But Richard……” I was about to say something but my husband interrupted me knowing what I was about to say.
“I understand Baby, I knew it was selfish of me to have kept you in the dark. I’m sorry and it’s true,I truly am deeply sorry. I would have told you but it’s embarrassing.
The fact is that I’m not completely impotent. It’s not as if my johnson is completely dead. Nope it’s not, the problem is just that I just can’t sustain…….”
“Richard please that’s enough!” I moved away from the bed and walked to the window. I was gazing through the window, looking at nothing in particular. I was really angry,I wonder why he’s just telling me all these now.
He came closer and held me placing my head on his chest.
“I know I have hurt you deeply my Love, please forgive me. I’ve got good news for you” I didn’t look at his face but I really wanted to hear the good news my husband was about sharing with me.
“Yesterday when you came out of the bathroom and I saw your whole body while you were dressing up, I had an erection that lasted for some minutes. I have been feeling like that for a week now, it comes and goes but yesterday was longer. I went to see my specialist and the good news is that……”
I jumped up from my chair because I felt like throwing up again.
“Urghhhhh” the content came from my tommy through my throat and out of my mouth.
Richard followed me to the bathroom and helped me to pour some water on my face.
“We should see the doctor Babe. Do we go now?”
“Let’s go tomorrow, I can’t go today.” I said and he nodded in agreement. Our discussion has been interrupted but my mind kept ruminating over all Richard just told me. Does it mean my husband and I can begin to copulate sooner than later? But how do I tell him about my lost virginity? How do I tell him Mr Jude took it? Ah, just a moment of impatience, see what it has cost me.
“Let me fix dinner for us, okay?” Richard said and I nodded.
“I want to talk a walk down the street to clear my mind Richard. I’ll be back soon” I said.
“I understand Nifemi, you need it and I’m sorry for putting you through all these”
”It’s okay Handsome, I’m no longer angry at you” I said with a confusing smile.
“Jollof or fried rice? What would you like for dinner?” Richard asked
” Just fried plantain would do,fried plantain with fried eggs”
“Okay Love, I’ll be waiting for you”
I wore my flip flop and started on my walk down the street, I was thinking of several things. My mind was just so full. A message dropped on my phone and I opened it to read. It was from an unknown number.
“I can’t believe you are carrying my baby. Nifemi I’ll do anything in the world for you and my unborn child. Can’t wait to see you again. Love from Jude”
My phone almost dropped from my hands, I looked around to be sure no one was watching because I had begun to shiver. What kind of a guy is this? First he made me break my marital vows, now he’s drawing a wrong assumption that I’m pregnant with his child. But hold on, was it because he saw me vomiting when he came the other day that he thinks I’m pregnant. I have not even connected the recent nausea and vomiting to pregnancy,why will this man? Why does he wants to put me in trouble…..
“Peee” I could hear the hooting of a car. I turned to see who it was ,lo and behold,it was crazy Tracy,the counselor, Jude’s cousin. Did he send her down here? What games are these two playing now? I hope Jude won’t put me into a bigger mess now.
“Hey Mrs Thomas”
“Hey” I answered her greetings as she spoke while still in the car.
“You live around here?” She asked and I almost hissed.
“As if your cousin didn’t tell you, hypocrite” I said under breath. She didn’t hear me,I guess.
“Actually I’m here to see a friend of mine” she said and I nodded. She paused for a while , looked away, smiled and then looked back at me.
“I’m really sorry about last time, please don’t take it personal. It’s just me being myself and doing what I’m good at” she said and I gave her a wave like I wasn’t angry anymore, even though I was.
” My cousin hasn’t visited me since then, I think he’s angry at me on your behalf” she smiled but the mention of her cousin,Mr Jude made me feel uncomfortable.
“Please hop in , let’s talk better in the car. I need to explain some things to you”
I was reluctant to get into her car, what if she hadn’t seen me by the roadside, would she have done the explanation. Well for courtesy sake, I got into the car, hoping that this crazy lady isn’t just playing the script Jude wrote for her. She started the discussion almost immediately.
“The other day I tried to trivialized your sexual wants, it was deliberate. You see it was a way of diverting your attention from sex, so that you don’t become vulnerable. Because I know when the devil identifies our soft spot, when he gets to know what we are determined to get at any cost, especially as women, he tried to attack from that area. Look at the case of Eve in the Bible…….”
I was surprised a crazy girl like Tracy could be talking about the Bible. Is she a Christian counselor too? I know she practice Christianity but she looks more to me like a church goer than a born again child of God. Well quoting the Bible is not the same thing as having a relationship with God. I concluded in my mind and continued listening to her.
“If you had given me audience and I had been able to suppress your urge,it will be easier for us to progress to the next stage”
“Suppress my urge” I whispered because she was beginning to make sense to me. Crazy Tracy didn’t sound crazy any longer.
“One of the things we need to teach our young ones getting married today is that marriage comes with several surprises, challenges and enjoyment too. We are not just expected to read books and get prepared for sex, cooking abilities, paying bills, doing household chores, going to parties together, making babies and so on. Marriage carries a spiritual responsibility. The day your marriage is set up, you have drawn a battle line against the kingdom of darkness. You may be good in the kitchen, you may be very wealthy to bear financial responsibilities, you may be well cultured, you may be a virgin or not, but if you don’t carry spiritual content to do what physical abilities can’t do, then you are still not ready for Marriage. You need to be spiritually vibrant to make a successful marriage, unless your marriage is irrelevant here on earth”
I looked at Tracy again to be sure she was the one speaking. I can’t believe this lady has so much content as this. I’m baffled!
“Mrs Thomas are you spiritually alive? Do you carry spiritual authority? Do you even have a personal relationship with God apart from playing church. Before you got married, did you ever waited on God to hear from Him what assignment you are to carry out in your husband’s life? Did you ask God what relevance you’ll be in your marital home? Or you think you are in your marriage to just cook, have sex, have babies, sleep and wake? You have a greater spiritual mandate to fulfill than that. Why do you think some men will fall and never rise again? It’s because their partners who should help them rekindle that fire is a pack of water herself. Why do you think some marital problems are never solved? It’s because the couple refused to fight the battle together. They lack spiritual content. They prefer to go for the devil’s alternative, divorce, quarrelling, malice, murder to mention but a few. You told me your husband is impotent, how many times have you gone on your knees to ask God to intervene in the situation? How many times have you spoken to that penis and commanded it to receive strength? Or you think it’s beyond God’s intervention? You think such cases can’t be presented before God? Okay if your faith is not strong enough for that, have you gone extra miles to get medical help for your man? All you were concerned about was yourself. You didn’t even want to fight the battle together with your husband. The vows you took were they just for formalities. The moment you said Yes, it was no longer about I , me,mine, myself but Us, We, Our . I understand he hid the truth from you and I’m not justifying him for doing so, it was wrong of him. Mrs Thomas, no woman prays for an unpleasant surprise in marriage but once it happens, you have to take spiritual authority over such case. The Bible says since the day of John the Baptist the Kingdom of God suffers violence and the violent takes it by force. Every ugly situation in marriage must be chased out on our knees.
This woman talking to you right now had her own marital challenge years ago, I will share it with you later. The fact that I was able to overcome this challenge on my knees by the special grace of God is what gives me the experience with which I counsel people today. If I tell you my own experience, you will open your mouth and may not be able to close it.
You want to have a perfect marriage, then get ready to take up the praying mantle! Mrs Thomas are you ready to tell the devil to get his hands off your marriage? Are you ready to fight this battle on your knees? Are you ready to command strength upon your husband’s pe……”
Before she could complete her statement,I opened the door and rushed out of the car,I slammed the door and started running back home. I was crying profusely as I ran.
“It’s rather too late. It’s too late. Do I even have the courage to command authoritatively after I have stained my garment?” I kept saying as I ran back home.
I wish I was patient enough to listen to crazy Tracy the other day at her office, maybe I would have gathered more knowledge and wouldn’t be in this situation by now. She wasn’t crazy after all.
I flung our gate opened and rushed into our living room only to meet Mr Jude seated on one of the sofas smiling broadly at me. Mr Jude in my matrimonial home again?
“Nifemi” I heard my husband called my name and I froze on a spot.