REVELATION: I looked at the plain white ceiling above, my gloomy thoughts rushing forward in their multitudes, almost choking me. The door opened slowly and I stared with vacant eyes at the person who walked into the room.
‘Miriam, I came as soon as I could. How are you feeling?’ The voice of my sister, Rose spoke, worry evident in her tone and I turned those vacant eyes to her.
I could not speak. My emotions were shattered; my world sent spiralling in a crazy direction. What could I say?
‘I am here. It is okay. You can let it all out. Talk about it. You will feel better.’
I merely stared at her. Talk about what? I asked myself silently. What could I talk about? Where could I start the story? From the very first news or the devastating revelation that made me an occupant of this room, sleeping on this white bed, staring at white walls that threatened to close in on me?
There was only one question I could ask. Only one query I could direct at no one in particular.
‘Why me?’
‘Did I deserve this Rose?’ I asked another question as I turned to my sister and the floodgates of my bruised emotions were released through my eyes.
Many often ask ‘Why not you?’ I know why they do so. They do not think misfortunes are the exclusive preserve of a special group of people. But I do not think I deserve to be a beneficiary.
‘It’s okay, Miriam. You will be alright.’
‘I will not be alright, Rose. Can’t you see that my life will not be the same again?’
How could it be? After all these events? I looked in the distance and saw everything clearly. The events that led to my current state.