Singles Questions

Singles Questions

How can I be sure he will be able to perform sexually if we don’t try it now?

We asked the experts this question and this is what they have to say….

Dabira Ipoola

A healthy relationship does not require sex in order to prove anything. Love is patient, a man and woman who are confident in their love should know that they will have the rest of their lives to enjoy sex. So you don’t have to try anything sexually with your intending spouse before marriage in order to be sure he will be able to perform sexually. As long as there is attraction between you two you will see signs of his sexual attraction towards you.

However there are some ways you can be certain a man’s penis is functional, they are:

  1. During conversations if you are sexually attracted to each other, you may observe a bulging in his pants (trousers).


  1. When he hugs you, if he’s attracted to you, you will feel his penis stretch.


  1. Often times, guys who have flaccid penis will avoid discussing sexual issues.


  1. A sexually active man would try to have sex with you while dating and that is a pointer. But if your guy is a believer, this may be difficult for him to do but you will notice as he holds himself back especially when he is tempted.


  1. You can also find out if there have been past relationships, find out how long they lasted if any and what led to the break up if any as you pay attention to inconsistency in narration while you watch out for body language.


Just because a man is capable of physical intimacy does not mean that he is capable of the other kinds of intimacy that holds a marriage together. Sex has the power to bond, the experience may seem wonderful in the initial stages of a relationship, and both partners will feel quite “compatible.” But think about it, if after having sex just to check his performance you discover that his values are not right or he has been pretending all the while. What will you do? When you finally decide to let go and start another relationship, will you have sex with another man to also prove he can perform sexually? No this is not right. Does impatience or lust motivate the couple to disobey God? These vices only harm a marriage. It is through humility, obedience, chastity, patience and a willingness to sacrifice that a couple build a lifelong love. So why not practice these virtues now?


You need to make your decision to wait for marriage before sex, and you need to be sure within yourself that this is exactly what you are going to do, the decision will help you to be strong enough to wait till the end.


Sex is designed by God for a marriage between man and woman, sex anywhere outside marriage is dishonest. No matter how committed a man is to a woman, until they actually pledge themselves to one another on their wedding day, they cannot pledge themselves to one another with their bodies in bed.


Twitter + Instagram: @dabiraipoola

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Deji Irawo

No doubt sex plays a very vital role in a marriage relationship being a very core element of intimacy between a couple and the fulfillment of physical desires .Sex involves many pre and post intercourse stages that most people are ignorant off. The most essential aspects of enjoying a sexually satisfying marriage relationship are the understanding that our partner being fulfilled is our topmost priority, creating a non-performance environment around your spouse and the understanding that people learn new skills and get better over time.

The Idea that pre-marital sex should be the determining factor if a man will be good in bed is not a valid perspective as sex is learnt over time. What people are actually looking for is knowledge and experience which can be acquired in the relationship as they progress. Couples require very good sex education and counseling before marriage to help ask all the vital questions and this can also continue after the marriage to help ease the process. If the lady is this case is more experienced than the male, she can help to guide him appropriately since she has information on what works for her in her sexuality. In men, there are cases of erectile dysfunction, quick ejaculation or low sperm count, all these are cases that can be resolved medically. The essential thing here is for the couple to be committed to helping each other, working towards satisfying each other and understanding that physical intimacy gets better over time as they share information and try new things.

Men Resource Technocrat and lead resource person for the Confident relationships for men project (CR4men)



Lanre Agboola

I think a good way to check is to do a medical test. That is why during courtship/dating both should visit a doctor for medical check-up and make your personal research on each other’s medical family background before jumping into marriage. The result might shock you but it is can be worked on through prescription drugs and therapies. This is very crucial but most singles are carried away with too many activities. Do you believe many ladies dating/courting don’t even know the guys blood group? Talk less of his genotype?


As for the singles guys out there please don’t compare your woman with those in the sex films you watch. People in those movies are acting and they may be on drugs. You should not expect your partner to be active like them.  


No male/female is born with sexual skills. We all learnt it one way or the other. There are books that teach sex position for newly married couples and for couples that want to rejuvenate their sexual life performance. Sex performance can be learnt. It’s just that the singles are too much in a hurry to test marriage life while single. This is where high expectations come in about performance in sex.

What if he is sexually active before marriage and he is no more sexually active maybe after 5 years in marriage? What are you going to do about it? Would you now leave him to jump to another man/marriage or will assist him to treat whatever that might have happened to him. Sometimes the sexual inactive can be caused by thinking, stress, High Blood Pressure etc.

Please my advice is to see a doctor/therapist for more clarification on sexual performance. DO NOT TRY IT NOW WHILE SINGLE. It is going to be a soul tie, because I do not know how many men you will try it before you get the particular one you are looking for. Your health is more important to you.



Bose Olaniyi

If you build on a land without proper proof of ownership, it is called trespassing.

Proven manufacturers would rather accompany product with warranty than have you test before use.

Checking sexual performance is like tasting a product before it is yours. It should not be allowed considering the following.  

First, what if he cannot perform and the next person cannot perform? how many of them will you check?

Secondly, trust is one of the basic requirements in relationship building. If you cannot trust your partner to have been absolutely sincere with you there is no need to get married.

If it has to do with ignorance, you can get good lessons on bedroom skills for you and your partner at the appropriate time.

Family Life Consultant.  Tweeter: @bosetiti




Kemi Odutayo

The sexual act is a very important part of a marriage but definitely not the only part. The marriage institution is set up by God and as the ‘manufacturer’ he gave us a ‘manual’ to His ‘product’. In His manual, ‘trying sex’ before marriage will be an abuse of the institution. It will be a sin. And just like with every other sin, it breeds condemnation, guilt and shame. However, the manual infers in 1 Cor 7:1&9 that there will be a ‘desire to touch’ and the tendency to ‘burn’. These 2 facts are indicative of the desire that should exist between two people of the opposite sex that love each other. They need to ensure they do not let these feelings have the upper hand in their relationship though. In addition, if we want to be more practical, there are also medical tests that could be done to ascertain this as well.


Host: #ListenUpNG(a weekly mentoring event on twitter)
Convener: #ThisThingCalledMarriageNG, #DearBaeNG #DearBooNG


Bridget Elesin


Sex is God’s invention but He wants it done within the confines of marriage. If you are both Christians, you will definitely not be trying to sleep with each other as you know it’s a sin and a no-go area. Hebrew 13:4 is clear on that. Marriage should be honored by everyone, and husband and wife should keep their marriage pure. God will judge as guilty those who take part in sexual sins… 1Thessalonians 4:3 -5, advice us to abstain from all sexual vice and ensure we have self control as we are not ignorant of God’s will concerning this matter. 

My advice will be to ask all questions during courtship, talk about sex when dating and see the reaction of your would-be spouse. As you go for counseling, questions will be asked and you will also note his response. A true child of God will depend on the Holy Spirit’s help as regards this area, and trust God for a great sexual life. The just, the bible says shall live by faith. So, trust God that he will be able to perform his sexual obligation in marriage. If you are very concerned, you can both visit a medical doctor to ensure both of you are okay sexually. You can also buy good books by Christian authors that talk on sex, so you both learn how to pleasure each other later after marriage. Remember that waiting will help you build trust and also grow the fruit of the spirit of patience plus perseverance in you. This will help your future husband know that you can be trusted as regards abstaining from sex with others when he is not there. I wish you all the best as you wait to enjoy a rich sexual life after marriage

Certified Results Coach and Master Practitioner of NLP.


Seun Oladele

NO, you don’t need to have sex. All you need to do is talk about your sexual expectations in marriage and listen to each other’s responses. Let the other person know whether you are hot or cold sexually and your sexual expectations. If you both have strong chemistry for each other, you will enjoy sex. Chemistry precedes great sex. Sex before marriage is not only a sin; it destroys trust, erodes self confidence and causes some other problems that only show up in marriage.