There are five basic love languages – five ways to express love emotionally. Each person has a primary love language. Identify and learn to speak your spouse’s love language if you want that person to feel loved.

  1. Words of Affirmation
    One time, a pastor was visiting his daughter and son-in-law and their two grandchildren, his son-in-law took the garbage out after dinner. When he walked back into the room where they were talking with their daughter, she looked up and said, “John thanks for taking the garbage out.” Inside the pastor said, “Yes!” because he knew the power of appreciation. You may here a spouse say “I work my tail off every day, yet my spouse acts like I haven’t done a thing. I never get a single word of appreciation.” If your spouse’s primary love language is words of affirmation, your spoken praise and appreciation will fall like rain on parched soil. Before long, you will see new life sprouting in your marriage as your spouse responds to your words of love. Say ‘I love you’, ‘you look great’ etc
    Do you remember the old saying, “Actions speak louder than words”? If acts of service are your spouse’s primary love language, nothing will speak more deeply to him or her emotionally than simple acts of service. A wife may say “I don’t understand him. Every day he tells me that he loves me; however he never does anything to help me. He just sits on the couch watching TV while I wash the dishes, and the thought never crosses his mind to help me. I’m sick of hearing ‘I love you.’ If he loved me, he would do something to help me.” Her primary love language is acts of service (not words of affirmation), and even though her husband, loved her, he had never learned to express his love in a way that made her feel loved.
  3. Quality Time
    If your spouse’s love language is quality time, giving him or her undivided attention is one of the best ways you can show your love. Some men pride themselves on being able to watch television, read a magazine, and listen to their wives, all at the same time. That is an admirable trait; however it is not speaking the love language of quality time. Instead, you must turn off the TV, lay the magazine down, look into your mate’s eyes, and listen and interact. To your spouse, 20 minutes of your undivided attention – listening and conversing – is like a 20-minute refill of his or her love tank. Men, if you really want to impress your wife, the next time she walks into the room while you are watching a sporting event, put the television on mute and don’t take your eyes off her as long as she’s in the room. If she engages you in conversation, turn the TV off and give her your undivided attention. You will score a thousand points and her love tank will be overflowing.
  4. Physical Touch
    We have long known the emotional power of physical touch. That’s why we pick up babies and touch them tenderly. Long before an infant understands the meaning of the word love, he or she feels loved by physical touch. In marriage, the love language of physical touch includes everything from putting a hand on your spouse shoulder as you walk by, touching his or her leg as you’re driving together, and holding hands while you’re walking to kissing, embracing and sexual intercourse. If physical touch is your spouse’s primary love language, nothing communicates love more clearly than for you to take the initiative to reach out and touch your spouse.
  5. Receiving Gifts
    In every society throughout human history, gift giving has been perceived as an expression of love. Giving gifts is universal, because there is something inside the human psyche that says if you love someone, you will give to him or her. What many people do not understand is that for some people, receiving gifts is their primary love language. It’s the thing that makes them feel loved most deeply. If you’re married to someone whose primary love language is gift giving, you will make your spouse feel loved and treasured by giving gifts on birthdays, holidays, anniversaries and “no occasion” days. The gifts need not be expensive or elaborate; it’s the thought that counts. Even something as simple as a homemade card or a few cheerful flowers will communicate your love to your spouse. Little things mean a lot to a person whose primary love language is receiving gifts.

Help your marriage, do everything possible to walk in understanding with your spouse. A successful life starts with a successful family. Effective communication is of essence. Peace!