How to rekindle the desire in your relationship


One of the most common problems I hear is “how do I get him/her to desire me like when we first met”?

Remember when your partner couldn’t keep their hands off you, then fast forward to 6 months or a couple of years and that spark is nowhere to be found. The truth is that the desire is gone, It’s at this stage that one partner starts suspecting the other of having a “secret lover” or cheating.

At this stage, the sex is never as satisfying as it once was, the man may try to buy his way out, promise to do more responsibilities or chores in exchange for the initial desire. Yet, no matter how great the effort offered is, the true desire is not there for her.

She may be more sexually available to him, but the half-hearted experience is never the same as when they first met when there was no negotiation, just genuine desire for each other.

We can see from the massive rates of divorce even in the middle and upper class families that true desire can’t be negotiated. Don’t think for a second that sex drive is aroused by favours, that might work on sex workers but genuine sex impulse is purely driven by attractive qualities and more.

True desire is something a person must come to or be led to by their own choice. You can use threats to force your partner to behave in a desired particular manner, but you can’t make them want to behave in that manner.

Whether you’re married or single, strive for true desire in your relationships. Half of the battle is knowing you want to have a partner who wants to please you, not one who feels obligated to.

So, how can I get this true desire?

1. Unpredictability

Now don’t get me wrong, when I say unpredictability I don’t mean you shouldn’t be dependable in your relationship. What I mean is you’ve to constantly remind your partner why you’re fun, unpredictable and exciting.

Breaking away from a predictable familiarity is a great way to spark up the sexual tension. Married guys can confirm how sexual their wives became after they got to the gym and started getting in shape. Start changing your routine, get into shape, get a promotion, make more money etc.

2. Self-Improvement

When I say self-improvement I don’t mean just reading books but actually going out there to improve and be the best version of you.

What happens when your woman who has known you to having a “pot belly” suddenly sees you going to the gym regularly and looking muscular? She starts asking herself what’s really going on, competitive anxiety sets up and she starts desiring you like she did when you began the relationship. And vice versa.

For the guys start learning also on how you can be great at sex, be that man that even when she’s in the office, she’s thinking, “Wow, what a man.” There’s a myth about loving yourself just the way you are, that’s one of the biggest fallacies ever. You actually determine what you want to become.

There’s a particular saying, “hard work beats talent when talent fails to work hard,” if you want to be that great looking man that is doing well financially, spiritually and physically or you want to be that lady boss with a nice shape and great family life you can make it happen.